When Lincoln woke this morning, I told him to go open his curtains. “Okay mommy” and off he went across the room. He opened the curtains and lifted the blinds to a white wintry scene. Both his hands dramatically lifted to his mouth and I heard the sweetest gasp of delight. I wish I had it on video – I just hope I can remember that forever. There is something so amazing and special about a child’s experience through this life. I’m so grateful to have such wonderful children to watch grow.
Speaking of grateful – Thanksgiving is one of my most favorite times of year. It usually comes with family, food, and friends. This year it also came with steroids. We survived nonetheless and even though things were a bit more “touchy” in our home, we still had time to feast on a turkey with some family. We some how missed that special moment of “giving Thanks” that evening since children (steroids or not) can get in the way. We have made up for our Thankfulness at other dinners with Maya and Lincoln. Maya continues to impress us with the humble things she is grateful for and Lincoln….well lets just say he LOVES applesauce about as much as anything.
As for me…I am thankful for modern medicine that is saving my child’s life – and other lives of course. I am thankful for a flexible job and family so that I can continue to work, help others, and help support our family. I am thankful for the strength I have come to know burning deep in my soul; strength that I once dreamed I could have one day. I am thankful for all of our support. I am grateful for all of you. We have said it before and we will say it until the end of time, we would not be as strong or as calm with out you all. Your prayers, thoughts, love, light lift us when we feel like we cannot take any more. When we don’t want to give Maya another dose of Decadron. When we see her liver enzymes raising and her ANC elevated though she is supposed to be suppressed. This “easy” part has been more difficult than I think most of the professional’s think is it. Maya’s labs actually look “pretty good”….except we want an ANC of 1000 not the 2500 that it is now. Her liver enzymes are indeed elevated likely from the chronic use of 6MP and weekly methotrexate. If her ANC is over 1500 next month they’ll have to increase her 6MP…which will likely mean higher liver enzymes. It is all a balance and a dance that we don’t like. It feels like a jog then a sprint then when it looks like there is a park bench for us to sit on…it is just a mirage. This is why we need your prayers. For the nights when my mind and soul are silent. Not dark. Just silent. So thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And thank you to Scott. More than anything, I am thankful for Scott. This life, my life, would look a lot different than it does. I know it would feel more fragile and broken. Because of Scott, I am lifted and can recognize my abilities and can thrive. He doesn’t make me “whole” – he makes me the best version of myself.
We spent the better part of the morning playing in the snow this morning. We are happy to announce we now have a temporary yard mate named Olaf. Scott’s snowman making skills matched with my costuming have made for quite the back yard company. Maya and Lincoln are in love (especially Maya)…unfortunately when the sun comes out, you might all hear the tears of sadness no matter where you live. She can handle a 3/4 inch needle through her chest like nothing but the idea of the snowman melting – not okay.
Love to you all. Thank you for your….everything. There is no possible way for us to tell you what your support means. I’ll keep trying to find the words. Till then – enjoy some pictures.
Love is life.